After buying sample paint a year and 10 days ago, and testing the paint 2 months ago in a very large area of the bedroom, Jon and I decided it was time to actually finish the job. Tensions were high, anticipation thick.
First though, we had to visit the hardware store. And if we were going to go to the hardware store, we should buy all the things we've put off for the last 8 months at the same time.
First, the paint, I take a picture of the paint we had bought a year and 10 days ago.
Second, we had to replace the little tiny light bulbs under the cabinets that went out. I removed a light from the cabinet to bring as an example.
Third, the fluorescent light in our closet went out, and Jon took the measurement. Or, so I thought.
We arrive at the store, walk to the paint person and the workers almost trip over themselves to ask if we need help. This is the best store - when you're in the frame of mind to interact with other people.
"Yes, we need to buy some paint, what's the best paint so I don't have to do two coats?"
"You can buy -" I immediately stop listening, he finishes.
"How much?"
"$##" Edited so when future generations read this, they won't immediately disengage from the story and start thinking about how cheap paint was in the past. But there might be robots then and kids may not read the internet. Or maybe there won't be paint.
"Will I need to do two coats?"
"Probably"
"Whatever, I'll buy it anyway"
I give him the color we need, he starts working. We immediately drift off and stand there.
"Do you need brushes or anything?"
"Oh right, we'll go look around"
Jon and I split up at this point, and I go looking for the little tiny light. As I start walking around a worker immediately yells and asks if I need help finding something. I do. I show him the bulb.
"This is interesting,"
I didn't think it was, so that likely meant they didn't have it.
He walks over to the little tiny lightbulb section.
"Hmm, this doesn't make sense." At this point I realize this is the friendliest hardware store worker possible and he desperately wants to find a solution. But I realize this is unlikely.
He calls over another coworker.
"Jim, I can't find a bulb that matches this, we only have 18 watts and this must be less than 10."
They murmur indistinctly (in my head, it's indistinct, they were probably talking in normal voices). I realize at this point we have 3 people working for us between the paint and the light bulb issue.
Eventually our helper hands the bulb back to me, and tells me it won't work.
I drop the bulb.
Me: "Well, that was dumb."
"No, no it wasn't" he says as he's picking up the bulb.
"It was, but, really, thanks for the help." I walk away.
We head to the fluorescent bulb section, only feet away.
Jon picks up the 15 inch bulb.
Our previous helper sees that we, again, look confused.
"Do you guys need help?"
Jon, "We're looking for a 17 inch bulb"
"Well that's weird" Again, didn't seem weird. "I've never heard of a 17 inch fluorescent light. There's 18 inch," as he grabs the 18 inch length.
Jon, as he's holding the 15 inch, "this seems like the right size"
The FHWSG (friendly hardware store guy, as he will be henceforth referred to), "great," as he puts the 18inch light away.
Me, "so are we getting the 18 inch?"
Jon, "I think so."
Me, "Isn't it that one?" pointing at the 18 inch FHWSG just put back on the shelf.
FHWSG, "Oh jeez, someone must have put it back in the wrong spot."
FHWSG was trying to put the blame anywhere but us, not realizing we were the problem and not communicating effectively, or at least not saying it out loud.
Jon, "No, I think I picked up the 15 inch, we're good."
Me, "We'll probably pick the wrong size and be back in an hour."
FHWSG laughs and walks away.
Jon and I continue our conversation about the light size.
"What was the measurement of the light?"
"Well, I wouldn't say I measured it exactly."
"Uh, what did you do?"
"Well, I held the tape measure up and it looked like about 17 inches."
"Did you hold the tape measure against the light"
"I wouldn't say that"
"Did you just hold the tape measure as far as you could reach and estimate?"
"Yeah"
"Ok, we need to get the 18 inch light"
"Ok," Jon grabs the 18 inch.
I continue, feeling as though I should explain my logic, "The reason is that if the tape measure isn't against the light -"
"I don't want to hear it, please don't explain this to me."
We pay, and leave without further complications.
Drive home:
"I feel like Guiness is my new Bud Light, its lower alcohol content than IPA's and lower calorie like Bud Light"
"You're probably right"
"I am right, those are facts"
"Why do I want to punch you every weekend."
"I think we both want to relax and we don't let each-other."
We laugh, and I wonder what someone would think if they heard our conversations.
Comments
Post a Comment